Zombie Hamsters and Action Scenes
You don't want to bog down your action scenes. Here's how not to
There’s a bit of contradictory advice out there about writing action scenes. Some people go James Scott Bell about it and say to slow things down in an action scene so that the reader knows the stakes and worries.
Other coaches and editors will tell you to speed up the pace in an action scene or a fight scene.
Typically, I tend to be in the second camp.
Bell writes thrillers and craft books such as Plot and Structure. He’s smart. Others are smart too. And I think that it all comes down to the fact that writing and story and art is subjective. There’s a balance between readers’ expectations and craft.
A lot of times, action scenes become a bit bogged down by too much interior dialogue.
A lot of times, there are a lot of details in the scene that just don’t matter.
A lot of times, there are details that your protagonist totally wouldn’t be paying attention to during this intense moment, right?
So, you want to avoid a lot of that. You want balance.
You don’t want to write:
Carrie was walking down the street with her pet hamster, heading towards the MDI YMCA with its very loud air compressor that was doing some air compressing. She heard something behind her and she thought, “Hm. I think I heard something behind me. I shall turn around.” She turned around and spotted a zombie hamster horde. She was so glad that hamsters couldn’t climb, could they? How could she keep Ittybittypoopsiebear safe? She snatched up her hamster, who she’d named Ittybittypoopsiebear and put it in her pocket of her shirt that she got from the Gap. Damn she loved that shirt. Her mom, now dead from an unfortunate incident with a eyeglasses holder, had bought her that shirt. She noticed that the horde attacked. She backed up, grabbed a tree branch some dog or dog owner left behind and whacked a few of them away.
There’s way too many digressions in there, right? Too much internal thought? Too much play by play and also too many distancing words (spotted, heard, noticed). Plus, it’s just a giant block of text.
Carrie and her pet hamster were walking toward the YMCA. Something grumbled behind them.
Turning, she gasped. Hamsters, a horde of them, rumbling toward her across the pavement, half decayed, but still moving.
“Get in here, baby,” she said, shoving her hamster in her pocket. “We won’t let them turn you.”
She backed up, grabbing a broken tree branch on the Y’s lawn.
One step.
Two.
The hamsters lunged.
She smacked one away. Another. They kept coming.
So, there’s a difference there, right? It becomes more tense because the paragraphs are broken up with white space. The reader reads through it more quickly, mimicking the speed of the fight.
We can make it a bit better (well, we could make it a lot better, but this is just a blog post) with some setting and senses.
Carrie and her pet hamster were walking through the cold Maine night toward the YMCA.
“We’ll be able to get you inside soon before it gets too cold,” she told Ittybittypoopsiebear. “I know you hate the cold.”
Something grumbled behind them. There was a twitter. Paws scrambling over gravel. Way too many paws.
And next to her, Ittybittypoopsiebear squealed and tried to scramble up Carrie’s leg.
Turning, she gasped. Hamsters, a horde of them, rumbling toward them across the pavement, half decayed, but still moving.
“Get in here, baby,” she said, shoving her hamster in her pocket. “We won’t let them turn you.”
She backed up, grabbing a broken tree branch on the Y’s lawn.
One step.
Two.
The hamsters lunged.
She smacked one away. Another. They kept coming.
You want the scene to resonate emotionally, which is hard to do in a snippet and not a book, but there needs to be something that is really important for the character’s development and evolution.
So to make it work, you want:
Balance between action and setting and character
Focus on the main character
Emotional resonance
Not too much internal monologue
Not too many stage directions (She lunged. He lunged. He hurt her. She hurt him. She struck his knee. He hit her right arm.)
NOVEL WRITING EXERCISE
This one is from Networlding
PLACE TO SUBMIT
Stanley Kunitz Memorial Prize
Ends on May 15, 2023
The Stanley Kunitz Memorial Prize honors the late Stanley Kunitz’s dedication to mentoring poets. The winning poem will appear on the feature page of the September/October issue of The American Poetry Review, and the poet will receive a prize of $1,000. All entrants will receive a copy of the magazine. Poets may submit one to three poems per entry (totaling no more than three pages) with a $15 entry fee by May 15, 2023. No limit on number of entries per poet. Previous winners of the Kunitz Prize include Ocean Vuong, Alex Dimitrov, Nicole Sealey, Jane Wong, Elly Bookman, Maggie Queeney, Jared Harel, Katie Peterson, Ruth Madievsky, Iris McCloughan, Joy Priest, Casey Thayer, and Susan Nguyen.
Guidelines
1. Poets must be under 40 years of age.
2. All entries must be previously unpublished poems.
3. Multiple entries are acceptable; however each entry must be accompanied by a reading fee.
4. Entry fee covers up to three poems, totaling no more than three pages.
5. Contest entries must be received on or before May 15, 2023.
6. Contest results will be announced by July 1, 2023.