What If It’s Not About Winning?
Be Brave Friday
I woke up in the middle of the night, crushed against Jack the Extra-Large Puppy, pillow over my head, hand stretched out to my phone.
I rarely think in sentences, but I heard in my head, “Moments not achievements. Moments.”
“Remember this,” I muttered and immediately fell asleep again.
Miraculously, I actually remembered this when I woke up again.
Most of the people I know are super focused on accomplishments and achievements.
And it’s making them pretty miserable. But it’s what we’re taught. It’s what we learn.
In school we want to get As. We want to win the game, crush our personal record run. We want the clicks, the likes, the outside recognition that we’ve done okay.
I think it’s really brave to basically say to heck with all that (you can insert a stronger swear word in there if you’re into them).
Life isn’t just about achieving, acquiring, winning. It’s about moments.
There’s an old book by Raymond Obstfeld called Crafting Scenes and in its first pages, he has a chapter called “What a Scene Is and Isn’t.”
In it, he quotes the actress Rosalind Russell who was asked what made a movie great.
She answered, “Moments.”
And Obstfeld compared that thought about movies to thoughts about scenes.
He writes, “The more ‘moments’ a work has, the more powerful it is. Think of each memorable scene as an inner tube designed to keep the larger work afloat.”
And then there is the corollary, “The fewer memorable scenes there are, the quicker that work sinks to the depths of mediocrity.”
I think this is how I want to approach life and I think it’s so brave when other people approach life this way.
This week, I was super lucky and I got to witness so many moments being made by people in our community. I met a teacher—brilliant and kind—teaching physics and engineering to eighth graders by having them build skateboards. That very morning, she had an email from one of her students from a long time ago telling her what an impact she made on their life.
That’s pretty kick-ass, honestly.
I watched people be brave enough to be part of a candidate forum, fielding questions as they run for council.
I ate food at a soft opening for a brand new restaurant from two really amazing humans who left Nashville to come back to Maine (small-town Maine) because they longed for community. In that restaurant in just one night? So many moments were made.
People went from table to table, talking, laughing, talking about the upcoming tourist season.
And when I walked into our K-8 school, I saw all these guys building our new school that was pretty desperately needed—a school where more moments will happen, one after another.
I interviewed the man who runs our local food pantry, which is moving into a new space that had to be completely rebuilt. He and another woman who works there put in the floors themselves. Why? Because they wanted to feel more connected, to see that their hands had built a part of the building—the foundation, the part that holds everyone else up.
Moments.
Life isn’t just about making the kick-butt income. It’s not about never getting fired. It’s not about falling into the same routine over and over again.
It’s about moments.
And it’s about recognizing those moments when they happen.
When it’s not about moments, life can be sort of a trap.
But breaking free of those expectations (you must have babies, a big house, go to college, get married by a certain age, never get fired, never quit, make this much money, blah, blah, blah) is really brave.
A lot of the time, that breaking free? That’s when the real moments begin, the real life begins.
Moments. Not achievements.
Stack up those moments. Make them amazing.
Don’t wait for the promotion, the perfect plan, or the applause. Go make a moment. Then another. Then another.
Stack those moments up. That’s how we stay afloat when bad times hit. It’s how we make the scenes of our lives.
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I feel like you see me! Moments, not achievements--my new mantra. Thank you, Carrie!! 💜
Loved reading this, Carrie. So beautifully said. I love sharing the moments of connection that happen in my shop. It's the most important thing about what I do. Yes, I need to sell stuff to make money and survive. But within that framework are all of the little and powerful moments that weave throughout the day. That's the magic. That's what fills my cup. And that's just inside those walls. So many moments beyond them! I feel you on this deeply. However, reminders like your story are always welcomed and necessary. So, thank you:)