Trying to both reclaim my goofy and find it again
Living Happy
So, I’ve been reading a lot about marketing and social media lately, and it made me think about how much I absolutely fail as a writer and marketer.
Seriously.
I am no John Green.
I am no Taylor Swift.
Anyways, I found this old interview with Cynsations, a blog run by the incredible Cynthia Leitich Smith where she asked me:
How do you balance your life as a writer with the responsibilities (speaking, promotion, etc.) of being an author?
And I said:
It’s horrible. I grew up in New England and we are the kind of people who gasp and hold up garlic cloves and a cross when we hear the words, “self promotion.” I think M.T. Anderson (author interview) said something about that in an interview once, and it really resonated with me because it’s so ridiculously true.
So, I joined the Class of 2k7, a cross-publishers marketing group of debut authors, because I figured I could at least tell myself that I was promoting other people as well as myself. That made it a more altruistic thing, but it also takes a lot of time because I signed up for too many committees. Note to all other debut authors and my fifth-grade writing self: Sign up for only one committee.
Most of my time is still spent writing. The problem isn’t necessarily balancing the other aspects of the business in terms of time spent, but more keeping my mind from obsessively worrying about the other aspects of the business (the sales, the reviews, the promotion) so much that it impacts my ability to write.
I still think this way. A lot of writers LOVE marketing. It makes me nervous. I can sing out the awesome stories of other people all day long? But when it comes to promoting myself or my own book? I shudder. I’m trying to be better about that but even right now, I’m all … should I put in my website link? There I did it. (Seriously, I stared at it for five minutes).
Should I say, “Hey, there’s all this talk in the New York Times about ufos and the government investigating it and that’s totally what my book FLYING is about?”
It’s weird how hard this is.
And then there’s this aspect of balancing how weird I am in real life and knowing that I don’t fit in, but especially feeling that when I’m out with other women. And they are wearing make-up and getting their hair done and I’m going around thinking, “Where are those handerpants things I won back at a friend’s Christmas party? I need to find those.”
Or I’m a little too enthusiastic at mini-golf or a chamber event when people win raffle prizes.
Or I’m just a weirdo who makes references to Godzilla movies when people talk about cruise ship petitions.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally love those ladies, but I’m also totally weird in my non-linear, broken brain fashion and I worry that I’m freaking them out.
Anyway, in that same interview, Cyn also asked: If you could go back and talk to yourself when you were beginning writer, what advice would you offer?
And did I answer like a normal person who knows how to market themself? No. No I did not. I created a dialogue between my selves.
Current Carrie: Hey! You! Writing in that notebook.
Fifth-grade Carrie: Ew! Am I really going to look like that? Where are my bangs?
Current Carrie: At least your glasses are gone.
Fifth-grade Carrie: Cool.
Current Carrie: Okay, listen. I have writing advice. You know how you’re having Captain James T. Kirk fall in love with your banged hair, glasses-wearing heroine?
Fifth-grade Carrie: Yeah.
Current Carrie: And how Mr. Spock is also in love with same heroine…
Fifth-grade Carrie: Uh-huh.
Current Carrie: And how the Dr. McCoy guy is in love with her, too?
Fifth-grade Carrie: What’s your point?
Current Carrie: It’s not all that realistic, sweetie.
Fifth-grade Carrie: It isn’t?
Current Carrie: No, honey. I hate to break it to you. It’s just not. My writing advice to you is that not everyone can be in love with your heroine, unless you’re Laurel Hamilton and your heroine has the ardeur or something.
I still think that’s solid, but it made me realize today, again, that I was a lot more goofy and a lot more joyful back then.
This whole portion of the Substack (LIVING HAPPY) is really about trying to get that back or to move forward to a new place where I can get to that goofy joy again. It’s turning out to be a little harder than I expected. But that’s what adventures are about, right? They aren’t supposed to be easy.
And this week was not easy. I lost my chill multiple times. I cried all day Monday for basically no reason. I glared at someone. And I sent a strongly worded email.
That’s okay though. We are human. Humans are not Vulcans (like Mr. Spock) and we have emotions and highs and lows and pretending we don’t? I’m not sure how healthy that is really.
Fitting in is kind of the same thing. Sometimes we try so hard to fit in that we forget who we are, we lose ourselves. We shouldn’t be afraid to be who we are, that it might lose someone’s respect or love. If it does? What they’re giving us isn’t worth it anyway.
And finally, here is my goofy little Gabby book (obviously self published). It’s only an ebook. It’s really short. I hope you check it out and if you do? I hope you like it. I miss my Gabby, a lot. If you’re a paid subscriber and you want a free copy, let me know and I can get Shaun to send you one.
