Someone Decided My Town is the Unfriendliest Small Town in America

They are wrong and that's okay.

Photo by Berkay Gumustekin on Unsplash

The other week, a recent Newsbreak story declared my town the unfriendliest small town in the country.

Also, this same week, a man saw me struggle with a couch, trying to help Shaun carry it into the house and immediately came over and did it for me.

Also, this same week, a neighbor stopped her car in the middle of our street to say hi.

Also, this same week, planning board staff said to people, “Don’t forget to be kind.”

Also, this same week, people volunteered in a million ways. They painted the walls of a food pantry. They gave rides to doctor’s appointments. They created GoFundMe’s for people in pain.

Also, this same week, people cried together.

Also, this same week, people offered over and over again to help a couple whose house caught on fire. Volunteer firefighters battled that blaze.

People celebrated businesses opening. People mourned together. People partied. They did trivia. They sang karaoke. They hugged.

But yeah, it’s the unfriendliest small town in the country.

I spent a lot of a Thursday thinking about friendship and what it means to have one’s back, what it means to have empathy and what it means to have kindness. It is about community.

We are about community.

I have lived in unfriendly places. Bar Harbor isn’t one of them. But here’s the thing: people feed off negativity. You don’t have to.

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SO HOW DO YOU CULTIVATE EVEN MORE KINDNESS IN A COMMUNITY?

Cultivating kindness usually takes a mix of leading by example, creating opportunities for connection, and reinforcing a culture of generosity. These next bits are ways to do that.

1. Foster a Culture of Recognition and Gratitude

When I think about this, I always go back to Mr. Rogers, but it might be more than cardigans and soothing voices. Some of the easier things are these—one of which a woman in my community did a version of. I’m thinking of trying to do one or both of these in our local paper. Let me know if you have other ideas, okay?

• Start a "Kindness Spotlight": Highlight acts of kindness in a local newspaper, community bulletin, social media page, or even a sign at a local café.

• Create a "Thank You" Initiative: Provide postcards or an online space where residents can send notes of appreciation to neighbors, teachers, healthcare workers, etc.

2. Encourage Small, Everyday Acts of Kindness

These feel a bit more like things that would work in a school somehow or a central place like a library.

• Host a Community Kindness Challenge: Give people weekly kindness prompts like “compliment a stranger” or “help a neighbor with yard work.”

• Distribute “Pay It Forward” Cards: Encourage people to pass them along when they do a good deed, inspiring a ripple effect.

3. Organize Community Gatherings with a Purpose

• Hold “Neighbor Meet-Ups”: Potlucks, coffee gatherings, or block parties help people feel more connected.

• Create Intergenerational Events: Pair younger residents with older ones for story-sharing, tech help, or gardening projects.

4. Build Systems That Make Kindness Easy

• Establish a Free Community Pantry or Closet: A small, anonymous way for people to give and receive help. A local guy I know is starting to do this with fire wood, which is so cool.

• Encourage Local Businesses to Join In: Ask cafés to offer “suspended coffees” (buy an extra drink for someone in need) or stores to donate small gifts for community kindness programs.

5. Support Local Volunteering and Mutual Aid

• Create a "Helping Hands" Network: A simple system where people can sign up to help others with rides, errands, or meals. This happens here, too. But you know we’re a terribly unkind community. :)

• Organize a Kindness Day: A dedicated day for community members to volunteer, clean up public spaces, or deliver care packages to those in need.

6. Lead by Example and Normalize Kindness

This one is the one that I think we can all do, but it requires us making the choice to do it.

• Encourage Leaders to Set the Tone: Town officials, teachers, and business owners can model and promote kindness in public ways.

• Use Signs and Public Messages: Display uplifting messages in schools, libraries, and parks reminding people to be kind.

• Don’t Default to Outrage: When someone misspells a word, uses ‘fewer’ instead of ‘less’ in a headline? It’s really not worthy of your ire. We all have to step a bit away from our outrage addictions and save it for the things that deserve it.

7. Address Conflict with Compassion

• Promote Civil Dialogue: Hold town halls with a kindness pledge or mediation sessions for disputes.

• Teach Emotional Intelligence: Offer workshops in schools and community centers about empathy, active listening, and conflict resolution.

I know I have a lot of cool readers who are business leaders or on councils and select boards and some of the next ones are more geared for them, but it can kind of show you how you can cater these things to whatever you do. But I’m going to share them all here anyway. I think we can all probably get some ideas from them, you know?

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1. Lead by Example in Public Meetings & Communication

• Adopt a "Kindness in Governance" Pledge: Council members can commit to respectful, solution-focused discussions and encourage civil dialogue in public forums.

• Model Constructive Conversations: Set guidelines for public meetings that encourage listening and respectful disagreement.

• Recognize Kindness at Council Meetings: Dedicate a short segment of each meeting to spotlight residents, businesses, or groups doing good in the community.

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2. Establish Community-Wide Kindness Initiatives

• Create a "Neighbor of the Month" Award: Recognize residents who go above and beyond to help their neighbors.

• Launch a “Kindness Fund”: Set aside small grants for projects that promote community goodwill, such as a “Little Free Pantry” or intergenerational programs.

• Encourage Local Businesses to Join In: Partner with shops and restaurants to support "pay-it-forward" meals, coffee donations, or community service days.

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3. Support Volunteerism and Community Connection

• Organize a Town-Wide Kindness Day: A council-led or select-board-led initiative where residents can participate in local service projects, such as neighborhood clean-ups, food drives, or checking in on elderly neighbors.

• Create a “Helping Hands” Network: A volunteer system where residents can sign up to help with small tasks like snow shoveling, grocery runs, or minor home repairs for those in need.

• Host Community Meet-Ups: Monthly events like “Coffee with a Councilor” or neighborhood potlucks to build connections between residents and town leaders.

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4. Use Public Spaces to Promote Kindness

• Install Community Bulletin Boards: Encourage people to share thank-you notes, offers of help, or inspirational messages in town centers, libraries, or parks.

• Put Up Positive Signage: Small reminders in public places (e.g., “Be Kind” murals, kindness-themed benches) reinforce a welcoming atmosphere.

• Support Public Art & Storytelling: Work with schools and local artists to create kindness-themed murals or storytelling projects that highlight acts of generosity in town.

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5. Address Conflict with a Kindness-First Approach

• Train Council Members or Committee Members in Conflict Resolution: Workshops on active listening and mediation can help keep public discourse constructive.

• Promote Civil Dialogue in Disputes: Offer community mediation services or structured discussions for resolving local tensions in a fair and kind manner.

• Encourage Constructive Online Engagement: Establish guidelines for town-run social media pages that discourage hostility and promote respectful discussions.

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6. Incorporate Kindness into Town Policies & Programs

• Ensure Accessibility and Inclusivity: Review town services to make sure they are welcoming to all residents, including seniors, newcomers, and marginalized groups.

• Encourage Youth Involvement: Start a youth advisory board that helps organize kindness initiatives, giving young people a voice in community-building efforts.

• Support Mental Health & Well-Being: Partner with local organizations to offer workshops on stress management, emotional well-being, and community care.

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7. Partner with Schools, Churches, and Local Groups

• Collaborate with Schools: Support kindness-focused student groups or town-wide “buddy programs” that pair students with seniors or community mentors.

• Engage Faith and Civic Groups: Work with local churches, nonprofits, and service clubs to amplify kindness initiatives and community outreach.

• Encourage Cross-Generational Programs: Promote activities that bring together older and younger residents, like story-sharing events, tech-help sessions, or community gardening.

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8. Measure and Celebrate Progress

• Create a Kindness Survey: Gather feedback from residents on how welcoming and connected they feel, using the results to improve initiatives.

• Celebrate Kindness Milestones: Organize an annual "Community Kindness Celebration" recognizing outstanding contributions and sharing success stories.

• Share Stories Publicly: Use the town website, newsletters, and social media to highlight everyday acts of kindness and community-building efforts.

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