Making a Happiness Plan
Dancing like Shakira and Singing The Cranberries
Yesterday, I was a little cranky, on edge, feeling like I was hanging onto the skyscraper windowsill in Die Hard by my fingertips and I was about to fall and fall hard.
So, I told someone. That helped a tiny bit.
Then I sang karaoke in my living room. I sang offkey. I sang songs I do not know.
And I felt? Happy.
For me, sometimes, the simple act of singing really loudly or trying to dance like Shakira (and failing) makes me happy. I forget this a lot. Or sometimes I can’t belt out 1990s alt-rock tunes in the middle of a meeting, but I’m lucky that sometimes I can.
It made me think a bit about how I can choose sometimes to do activities to be happy and that is kind of a powerful thing.
I just have to remember that. Remembering that is a skill I need to cultivate when I get that fingertips-on-the-ledge feeling.
Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., has a piece on Psychology Today where she talks about the skills you need to create a happy life, which seems a bit counter-intuitive since so many of us think, “I was happy as a little kid. And I was the least skilled in my entire life.”
That’s probably true when you think of traditional skills, but when it came to jumping in mud puddles or having a stuffed animal tea party, you probably rocked it, right?
Anyway, her first “skill” for building happiness is this (yes, each of her steps have substeps):
“Live a happy life by creating a plan for your happiness.
“You wouldn't bake a cake without a recipe. You wouldn't go to a place you've never been without a map. And you shouldn't try to build happiness without a plan either. Creating a good happiness plan is what takes you from where you are now to the happy life you envision.
“To create a happiness plan, follow these steps:
Clarify why you want a happy life.
Clarify when you'll build the skills that lead to a happy life.
Decide which happiness skills to build.
Decide in what order you will build the skills that lead to a happy life.
Commit to your goal to create a happier life.
Learn how you will build your happiness skills.”
And her second point is similar:
2. Develop yourself to live a happy life.
Remember when something you wanted to do seemed impossible? Maybe it was that first time you rode a bike, or drove a car, or asked someone out on a date. Then you did it and realized you had it in you all along. Creating a happy life is the same way—the first step is believing in yourself and your ability to live happily. Then you'll see that you had it in you all along. This is why engaging in personal development is key to living a happy life.
Here's how to build your personal development skills:
Develop a growth mindset that focuses on your belief in your ability to create a happy life.
Identify your values.
Define a happy life in your own words.
Record your progress towards personal development.
Get some help developing yourself to build a happy life.
And I’m going to stop right there because I think that’s a lot for anyone’s working memory to really digest.
In that first step, she’s saying that you have to make a plan to be happy if you want to be happy. She’s talking action steps and goals. This is pretty much the opposite of how some of our personality types work.
I mean, I have a blog about trying to figure out how to be happier, so I’m almost there in this entire “LET US PLAN TO BE HAPPY THING,” but I can also feel how that might not seem authentic to some people.
I think, however, it’s more about:
realizing that you want to be happier
trying to be proactive and empower yourself to get there.
Then, that second point is all about developing yourself to be happier. This feels like a bit of an add for self-empowerment coaches, but there is something good about knowing who you are and trying to grow if you want to.
The key is that “if you want to.”
If you don’t want to develop, that’s absolutely okay. You get to do you. Sometimes I think that there is so much pressure to be happier, to develop, to make action steps, to identify your value, to record your progress that it becomes a stressor and takes away the very thing you’re trying to do—have a happier, less stressful (maybe unless you’re into stress) life.
My behavioral scientist says, "Schedule 15 minutes of Joy in every day. Write it on your daily planner."