I went to a concert

And it made me think about stoicism

This Friday I was at a concert and I watched people be beautiful and be idiots. There was the guy apologizing for stepping on a blanket, another guy smiling at everyone, a woman in her 60s smoking pot and wearing a Miller Lite cowboy hat hugging everyone who existed, a girl barely 21 dancing and making out with her boyfriend.

There were also the cranky people who were worried about people stepping on their blankets, glaring at the girl with the barely there clothes, deliberately tossing their water bottles and Coors on other people’s blankets. There was the guy mourning that he had no one to kiss when everyone around him was kissing. There was woman complaining about the crowd, the cost of the drinks. The was the 40-year-old woman on her phone the entire time and missing the sad look of her mom who was obviously longing for connection with someone—anyone—and began to talk to the nice man right next to her?

And I had to decide right then (the way it seems that I have to decide every moment of every day), who do I want to be?

The smiling guy, the hugger? The glaring girl?

Did I want to be present and if so, did I want to be the one complaining and glaring because a gaggle of college students would not stop talking over the music or the one exulting in the moment and the music and the fact that we were all alive there in general admission on a night that was not too hot and where the thunderstorms skirting around us? And hey, those college students were all talking and interacting mostly without their phones. How cool was that?

There’s a great bit of stoic thought that comes from Marcus Aurelius that goes “tolerant with others, strict with yourself.”

People often get annoyed with me because I believe this and have since I was a child.

“Stop being so hard on yourself, Carrie” is a constant refrain in my life.

But I want to become a better person and in order to do that I can’t pretend that I don’t sometimes suck or that I can’t sometimes do a better job than I’m currently doing or that I can’t learn to be peaceful or that I can’t learn more about the things that matter to me. So, yeah, I tend to be strict with myself.

Yesterday, I was walking around town with my daughter and she said, “You have so much willpower.”

I think that’s just another part of that philosophy.

This way of thinking is not really a super popular trend right now. It’s much more about being tolerant with yourself, strict with others in a world that likes to be judgmental and criticize, right? We talk about celebrities, neighbors, local business owners, politicians, sports figures as if we know all the things about them and our assumptions are often for the worst.

But we don’t know all the things.

And assumptions aren’t real.

Even the most annoying people at that concert could have had amazing, poignant stories. That concert could be the highpoint of the story of their life. Or the lowest point. Or just a point, a moment, something that doesn’t define who they are.

We just don’t know. And that’s okay. Not knowing everything should be an understood and become a movement toward tolerance and kindness, toward choices toward good. Not knowing everything about everyone isn’t a bad thing. It’s a place that opens up to possibility and how cool is that?

Spoiler: It’s super cool.

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This is a pretty cool link about improving emotional intelligence.

And this is a link to my new favorite band. :) Well, one of them.

And this is a link to the band that my dad would have adored if he was at that concert. They were adorable and I kind of adored them, too. Just so much talent.

I hope you find someone or something you adore today and lean toward tolerance. Much love to you all.