I hallucinated angels
Finding authenticity is brave
People are always asking me if I’ll run for political office again and I’m always like, “Um. Hell-a no.”
The last time I ran for office, the honchos at the political party I was involved with told me to shut down my blog because it was sort of um … childish? Too candid? Too self-deprecating? Too goofy? All those things.
It wasn’t really mature, basically. I totally get that.
But the thing is? I can’t be fake. I can’t be boastful and super confident. I am quirky and have a muppet voice and my mind thinks in weird ways. People don’t vote for that. People hug that.
And one of those stories that I shared on my blog, which made me pretty unelectable was this one about seeing angels. Here you go. Read it and know that you, too, would never vote for me. The Emster is my kiddo. I reference her in the post.
The post
I am sick. I am really REALLY feverish sick. So sick that I spent last night shivering and having hallucinations. I saw angels in the door to my bedroom.
Seriously.
So what did I do?
I shivered under the covers and said, “Please do not let the Emster get sick because she has show choir auditions on Thursday.”
Angels said, “You are a blessed child of God.”
I said, “Uh-huh. But about Em … Could you please not let her get sick?”
Angels said, “You are a child of God and you are blessed.
I said, “Thanks. That’s so super nice, angels, and I really really appreciate you all being here, but … um … since you are here … could you um…? But, um, about Em … and show choir …”
Angels said, “You are blessed.”
I said, “What does that mean exactly?”
Angels sang. The doors glowed. I was left shivering and wondering if I’d be locked up soon and if Em would indeed not get sick.
The next day, I was getting interviewed for the newspaper THE BANGOR DAILY NEWS. I foolishly told the reporter guy I was sick and had hallucinated about angels.
And that is why I an unelectable.
The point, I think
Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. writes,
“We are constantly bombarded with media that tells us who to be, what to want, and how we "should" express ourselves. All of these influences slow chip away at our ability to be our authentic selves.
“But by being someone you are not, you are telling yourself that who you really are isn’t okay. So hiding or suppressing who you really are can end up leaving you feeling lonely, disconnected from others, or even worthless.”
It is okay to not fit in. It is okay to say, “Nope, I’m not going to delete who I am to become who you want me to be.” It is okay to not be good at personal branding (or any kind of branding), at not schmoozing, at liking to cuddle your cats.
What I think hurts us and our hearts is when we lose our humanity by trying really hard to repress who we are.
When we fail, when we don’t get the goal, when we’re told to delete our blog (or whatever), it impacts each of us differently. And each set-back can impact us differently depending on what’s going on at the time.
Sometimes it hurts way too much. Sometimes we wade through it more easily.
But I think that when we embrace who we are, that we understand that we are not AI-constructed with perfect sentences full of Oxford commas, that it is a tiny bit easier.
There’s no one way to human. There’s no one way to exist in this world, but we all do it—we exist in this world—and for me, at least, it helps to embrace all my quirks and weirdness.
How To Redevelop Your Authentic Self
Davis has a really long and really great article with steps about how to develop your authentic self and I’m going to post a screen caps of the first steps and the link to her article below.
Here’s that link to that article and good luck! I’m rooting for you!